Birthday.

Hiya mom! Happy Birthday! Today you would have been 59.

It's really hard to believe that you've been gone for over 3 years now. Time keeps racing on and some days it's easy and other times it's really hard. I almost had a breakdown this year at your anniversary so I left town and spent the weekend with a friend in Alabama. I thought that missing you was supposed to get easier but it doesn't always seem to work that way. But for that one week of the year I feel just the teeniest bit sorry for myself that I don't have you around anymore.

You'd really like my friend mom. She's smart, funny, and she's got her head on straight. She also likes those Necco wafers that you love! :o)

The kids are good. The divorce was the best thing I've done in a long time. J and I have gone to joint/split custody/time with the kids and they are happy and well-adjusted. That's all that matters to me. J and I get along so well now that it's almost funny! We couldn't stand being married to each other but we co-parent from two houses like champs! He's getting remarried on the 1st of May to a nice woman who is a great step-mother to the kids so that's a good thing too.

I'm busy with school, and I'm finally working as a freelance bookkeeper and loving it. I'm not making much now because school is taking up so much of my time but next semester I'm going to back off of school some and work more. The stress level is just too high right now. I miss the way you could always calm me down when the pressure cooker effect got to me mom. I could use a little of that now. I'm going to visit your grave tonight and bring you balloons just like always with my wish note. It still feels right so that's what will happen.

Mom, I know you're still around somehow but I wish I still had you here for me in a tangible way. I'm selfish that way I guess. Little J still talks about you. It's nice that he still remembers you. I'll never forget. I love you always mama.